Two Months....

It's been just over two months since the most unexpected Christmas present ever. :) ONLY two months. I think about that and I am SHOCKED! Seriously... let's just take a quick look back over the last two months.Hmmm... so first I was diagnosed on that lovely winter day which immediately spun us into a whirlwind of change. Part of that change was informing the company for which I work, that I would be needing a few MONTHS off of work and asking how they felt about that.. (Thankfully I work with amazing people and they have been nothing but supportive). Another change was moving out of my duplex in which I had lived for almost 5 years, to move into my sister's place. This change has had its positives and negatives and honestly the ONLY negative worth mentioning is that I miss my dog.. but we all heard about that earlier in the blog. :) Living at my sisters has been quite pleasant. It's nice to have people around to chat with, I adore my sister so it is way fun being able to spend more time with her.. so ya, I'm very happy with that change on the whole. :)
Another change that I tend to think about a lot, but not talk about much, is my feeling of "unsure". All my life I have had to decide and move forward with my life, but I've always had the feeling that when it comes down to it, I can do ANYTHING I want... really. Now, there is this sense in the back of my mind that there is SO much unknown about how I will be after the transplant. I know it will be a long hard journey, but I don't know a lot.... For example, will I be able to do musicals again and at the rate that I used to do them? They are draining at the best of times. How long will it be before I am able to sing again? (for those of you that don't know, it is currently a struggle to sing because my spleen is squishing EVERYTHING inside me and it hurts to use my diaphragm. LAME. :) Anyway, that is one thing that tends to be on my brain, but then again, I AM the type of person that just thinks of this for a minute, then shrugs and moves on, realizing that I will just deal with that when it comes up, ain't nuthin I can do about it now. It just pops into my brain every now and again. :)
Another change that I am just HAVING to get used to... Independence.... Wow, I have been, in most senses of the word, independent since I was fresh out of high school. FOREVER ago :) Now, I am having to rely on others and I am struggling. I'm only struggling because I have this little voice in my head telling me that I am inconveniencing everyone around me and it's not fair that they have to help me... I've always been able to "do it myself", but now, there's no way... That's a toughie for me. :/ Don't think I will ever get good at this.
Anyhoo... I'm sure that most of you know the changes that happen when one is put into this type of life-changing situation. Mine aren't really any different. I AM grateful though for many things that i don't think I fully appreciated before. I am honestly GRATEFUL that I haven't gotten married yet. Yes Yes, some of you can close your dropped jaws. I'm serious though. I am glad that I don't have some poor soul of a husband or children for that matter that have to watch me go through this and have to deal with the repercussions of a wife or mother being "out of it" for a long time... nope, I'm grateful that I'm still single. I'm grateful for that fact that I moved back to Boise. Yes, I've been happy here, but it dawned on me yesterday how much MORE of a pain and change this would have been had I still been living in Utah where I didn't have any family. I'm SO grateful that I have a big fam. I have amazing parents and siblings that are ALL pitching in so that I can recover and move on with my life. I can't even remotely IMAGINE going through this without them. I sincerely pray that NO ONE ever has to deal with something like this alone. That would be tragic.
I am grateful that I have such strong religious beliefs... Yuppers.... That's another thing I couldn't imagine. Trying to navigate this life is tough enough when you don't have a sense of purpose or reason and a feeling that there really is someone out there that has your best interests in mind. I wouldn't want to think about how I would fear this whole process without the comfort of knowing that my future is in bigger hands than mine. for TRUTH! :) I am ever so grateful and awed by the outpouring of love and support that has come from all corners of my life. Seriously, I had NO idea that I KNEW so many people, let alone that they actually could tolerate me. :) I have been truly blessed with the most amazing people in my life that I can't even type this paragraph without tearing up.. what a Wanny.... :) But it's true... I am often overwhelmed with the feeling of gratitude and I sure wish that I could somehow relay that thanks in it's entirety to people, but short of being a bawling snotty nosed cry face to EVERYONE, I got nuthin. :)
Wow, can I yammer.... so, to end this blab (my new name for a blog)... There has been mucho change in the past two months, but most of it, surprisingly you may think, has been for the better... I have been able to realize how wonderful I really have it. So, thank you all for you support and love and for putting up with me. :)  Peace out Boy Scouts. :)

PS... Wednesday, Seattle FINALLY started testing two of my siblings to see if they could be a match.. just a couple weeks and we should know at least a LITTLE more info... WOOT! :)